Courtesy of Writer's Digest who sent me a neat little book called "Question of The Day," I thought it would be neat to incorporate those questions into a new blog series that I will publish weekly called: "Jess My... Thoughts of the Week.™
This week's question is: "What did you once want a great deal that you do not care about any more?"(page 7 in the book, "Question of the Day" by: Writer's Digest)
I have given this question some serious thought. There are a few things that actually came to mind right away, but I had to deliberate for a few moments to figure out just the right answer(s). Of course, there is no right or wrong answer, lol.
Years ago, I was badly hurt in what has turned out to be a life-changing injury. Back then, I just figured my injuries would heal like normal and I could get on with life. At the time, I was married and had three children (ages 11, 8, and 9 months old). The day after my injury happened, my (then) mother-in-law had brought an injury lawyer to my home to meet with me while I was on pain killers and other meds. I was pretty out of it so to speak. She said I needed to sue the store that was responsible for my injuries, and back then, I didn't agree with her but my husband did so I went along with it. I thought I would be fine after a couple of months. Looking back at it now, I guess it was a good thing she made me hire that law firm.
You see, my injuries never healed. Later that same year (2006) I was given a diagnosis from my doctor (and other doctors that I wanted other opinions from) called RSD (Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy). I had no idea that it would change my life so drastically, nor did I realize this condition would only get worse over the years, ruin my marriage, and give me poor quality of life. My youngest son, who was only 9 months old when the injury occurred, has NEVER seen me normal. I was told I was disabled. I didn't believe those doctors and sought out many opinions. However, after a couple of years I eventually came to the realization that they were all right. I was disabled and very angry over that fact. Prior to that fateful day I was a very different person: I was physically active, involved in different organizations and charities, worked hard, owned my own businesses, was able to keep my home clean, do my landscaping and yard work, cook meals, bake, etc. All those things I took for granted. I look back now and wish that I hadn't, but at the age of thirty, I also never figured that something would happen to me that would forever change my life.
The one thing I wanted (back then) was to win the law suit that I had against the store I was shopping in when an employee of that store ran my feet over, causing crushing injuries to them along with a completely torn ACL in my right knee. I was put on so many different medications, had dozens of procedures, nerve blocks, and injections... along with physical therapy and even some operations.
Because of that condition, my whole life has been ruled by severe chronic pain, the other medical conditions that I have since been diagnosed with, depression, severe anxiety, and of course, the medication-related side effects. My life was truly a mess; In my mind, the lawsuit money I would eventually obtain would help offset all the medical bills that had piled up along with other bills since I was unable to work.
Three years after the injury, I was given settlement options three times before I accepted the third. I was more than willing to go to trial but I listened to my lawyer's advice and took the third settlement. I should have held out for the trial. That settlement money was not nearly enough to cover the medical costs I would rack up for the rest of my life, nor did it cover the fact that I was unable to work.
Back then, I figured the settlement money was the only thing that mattered, and I was very bitter about how I got screwed over by my law firm and my ex-husband who had cheated on me, then left me for another woman.
The condition and the medications ruined my marriage, which was one of the hardest things I ever had to deal with besides this darn disease. I always wanted to be married and have it last like my parents' marriage. To me, it was once the most important thing in my life besides my children.
So to answer the question "What did I once want a great deal but do not care about anymore is":Being married and having lots of money. I have learned that being married isn't the most important thing in the world. I have also discovered that no amount of money will give me back my (pre-RSD) life. I've learned over the years to cope with the fact that I will have this disease for the rest of my life. As for my marriage... my ex-husband not only cheated on me during the worst time in my life when I needed him the most, but he left me high and dry to deal with everything on my own knowing I was disabled and unable to work. It took a long time- but I have forgiven him. However, what ever happened to the vows "For better or worse, in sickness and in health?" The first time something bad happened in our marriage, he gave up and split. That's on him though.... and it's no longer my cross to bear.
Lastly, when I did receive my settlement for the injuries, I found that people who were never there for me came out of the wood work asking for handouts. I did help some people out while others just plain down used me. I gave loans to people who promised to pay them back, and never saw a dime. Having lots of money just creates more problems then it solves. Now, whenever I see news stories about lottery winners, I feel for them. People only want you for your money, then they disappear. Lessons learned.
The biggest lesson of all is that I know I only need one thing to make me truly happy: my three children. They are the biggest blessings in my life and the sole reason I choose to keep battling this disease. They are my heart, my soul, and my entire universe. Without them I would be nothing.